This Is Who I Am – Issue 4 – “That Time”

*I desperately want a shirt that says the above.  Ever since the birth of The Gremlin, an early warning system is imperative in my home.  It’s “That Time” of the month for me.  “That Time” for me usually lasts about 2 weeks.  Family & Friends, heed the following and no one will get hurt:*

Week One: 

I’m tired and a little bit irritable.  I might snap at you a little, but I’m still mostly in control, and if you don’t challenge me, I’ll probably apologize and at least attempt to be approachable.  If you have any kind of bad news for me, don’t wait to deliver it.  You have approximately one week before the only safe course of action is to keep your distance. 

At this point, I am still in control.  I may be cranky, but it’s best if you let me decide that.  Do Not Point It Out To Me.  I know very well that I am being unreasonable and hard to live with.  Deal with it. 

Week Two:

Run away.  Don’t try to be a hero.  I am crampy and tired and I am no longer in control.  Although I know I am being a wicked bitch, I cannot stop and somebody will get hurt.  Do not whine about dinner, housework, or the mood swings in this house.  Take care to announce your presence in a soft voice and do not touch me without permission. 

Do Not Ask Me What Is Wrong.  Everything is wrong.  You will not be right for 7 to 10 days.  Debating with me is a bad idea.  Arguing is a worse idea and getting cranky back with me could certainly be lethal for you.  Stay the hell out of my way, be prepared to exit quickly and quietly and for fucks sake, if I am sleeping, do not wake me unless I am on fire. 

I probably forgot to iron your work shirts, dinner will probably be burned and deemed inedible and you are lucky the laundry even made it to the dryer.  If you want it folded, do it yourself.  No I am not planning on answering the phone.  Or the door.  I’m probably going to cry.  If I do, it’s best to pretend it isn’t happening.  When I get mad because you ignored it, just keep quiet, don’t make eye contact and don’t try to fix it.  You can’t fix this.