Saturday morning, The Gremlin got up really early, while we all still slept. Probably around 5 am. Apparently he thought it would be great fun to take chocolate and strawberry syrup, whipped cream and mustard and dump them all over the carpet in his room.
But that wasn’t satisfying enough. He then took my car key. And he lost it. Who knows where. I tore everything apart and no key. And it’s the only key we have. And it’s a keyless entry transponder thing. And it’s going to cost us nearly $500.00 to replace it and the only way I’ll have that kind of money is if I return the kids Christmas presents. I spent all day and half the night looking for the key.
The Gremlin swore he had it upstairs. Then he said he threw it in the garage. Then he said he dropped it down a portal in the wall. Then he said the tooth fairy took it (WTF?). Then, again and again, he said it was upstairs.
I am completely fed up with imaginary friends. Fed up.
Saturday night, I was in a complete panic. Some of you may have seen me twitter the need for a #locksmith.
Sunday morning, I was feeling like a terrible mother. I was wondering how in the fuck I am supposed to be human in this house. I can’t sleep, eat or pee without the kids because clearly, they cannot be trusted. I had to get food, and I was going to my friend’s son’s birthday party. So my friend picked me up and took me food shopping, then off to The Bounce House we went for the birthday party. Of course, I had to tell my friend that I needed a ride home earlier than expected because I absolutely HAD to find this key. I told her she could bring her son here to play, but I really couldn’t stay.
I have spectacular friends.
So she comes over, with her husband and their son and we proceed to turn this house upside down again. Each of us checked the spots the other had checked, two or three times over. No key. No fucking key. Around 10pm, my girlfriend asked on Face Book for someone to help get my car unlocked so we could see if I left the key in it. I was 100% positive I hadn’t. I knew it would not be there. But her friend responded, came out and called AAA and AAA came out and got the car open. The alarm went off and there was no key in the car. We had to disconnect the battery to make the alarm stop going off. Still no fucking key and it is now 11pm. My friend has to leave. Her son has school in the morning. I am all upset. We are all sitting at the kitchen table, trying desperately to think of one last place we have failed to check. Where can a four year old see that we cannot that would conceal the car key from an adults view? Nothing. We’ve got nothing.
As we were talking, my friends friend was playing peek-a-boo with The Gremlin. So she bends over to peek at Brandon and comes up with a puzzled look on her face. “Is this a remote control? A key?”, she’s asking. And in her hand is my car key. The Gremlin hung it on the underneath of my kitchen table. The kitchen table we had all sat at several times over the weekend.
OMG. What is wrong with this kid?? He looks right at us and says “Ha! I know I tricked you!” Seriously? I’m not thinking this is very funny. Not. At. All.
